July 15, 2012
Spectacularly Stupid Suggestions Needed

Many of you will know that several years ago, we received some Octopus kites as part of a counterfeit import case. I won't go into the details here except to say that these kites were surrendered to us as part of a amicable settlement.

They are BIG. I'm not just talking the giant 90 foot Octopus. What we have are the OVERLARGE, 130 foot long behemoth kites!! And we don't just have a couple. I have six really big bags gathering dust in the warehouse.

I've never flown these things. First of all, the workmanship and materials are crap. Second, I have plenty of legitimate kites to fly. And third, I don't want anyone posting a photo on FaceBook of me with a copy-kite!

Besides, the point of surrendering them was not that I'd get to fly them, but that anyone else would not.

So for years, we've been talking about what to do with these things And the suggestions that come up over a few beers seem the best. Susie says we need the space. So I've decided to have some fun with all of you.

HongYang Octo

New Sky Octo

GKPI is now accepting proposals for destroying these kites in some appropriate fashion. I'm looking for ideas that are socially redeeming, or spectacularly stupid. Redeeming options might include:

  • Making piddle-pads for your animal shelter.
  • Contract to have the skins made into windbreakers for homeless children.
  • Stretch out the fabric and turn a preschool classroom loose with scissors.
  • Or inflate the kite in a law school class on intellectual property infringement.

At the other end of the "jack-ass" spectrum,

  • Stuff one with propane-filled balloons and hit it with a flare gun!
  • Cut off the legs and use blowers to create dancing tentacles!
  • Get eight local football teams together for a tug-of-war!
  • Inflate one and feed it inch-by inch into an industrial shredder! Appropriate music of course!
  • Smear the fabric with bacon grease and throw it to a pack of wild dogs!
  • Stretch it across your property and hit it with a full-speed tractor!
  • Or anchor one to a floating log and toss it into the surf with an off-shore breeze.

OK -- we're kidding about some of these. And we do, of course, have rules.

Safety is important. The kite must be destroyed. Insurance is a good idea. Don't break the law. And you have to pick up all the pieces, shards, scraps, and melted remnants.

You can make money for charity, but not for yourself. And you have to insulate GKPI from any liability. Anything involving explosions and fire gets extra points.

Don't break the law.

And finally, the results need to send a message. Don't steal ideas from others; don't invest in cheap copies; counterfeiters don't prosper.

Octopus

Again, safety is important. So we won't provide a kite for something where someone could get hurt.

But if we like your proposal, we'll give you a kite. All you pay is the shipping. And in return, we want you to record the destruction and post it publicly.

Email your proposals to David@GombergKites.com. And even if you can't actually make it happen, send some ideas! Be creative. Be funny. Let the ends justify your meanness! I'll post a few responses for your bemusement.

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